Sick Day And Other Thoughts
I called off work today as I woke up at 3am feeling under the weather (I am hoping it is just a cold). I am supposed to go see an awsome band tonight, but I will wait until this afternoon to make a decision on that.
Last night I got a response from one of the people that I sent a goodbye e-mail to (reference blog entry Saying Goodbye). It was a very sweet, kind hearted e-mail, filled with love. I wish I did not have to say goodbye, but I am respecting a request.
Did anyone read this story in the Detroit News today http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070221/METRO/702210384 ?
The statement that got me all steamed up was "...I just think of marriage vows like speed limits. Sometimes you have to break them, and sometimes you get caught. You just need to keep an eye on the road to avoid detection."
Here is where I get on my soap box:
What the hell is wrong with f'in people today. Vows are sacred, and I am not speaking from a religious point of view either. Marriage vows are not something to be taken lightly, and are definitely not done just for ceremonial purposes. A vow is simply a binding promise one unilaterally makes without condition. Too many people view their vows today as "I'll keep my vow as long as you keep yours, or until the time when I no longer feel that I am getting out of this marriage what is due me." Marriage is not a business deal, and what is due a person in a marriage is unconditional love. A true vow makes a commitment that does not look for release based on what the other person has or has not done. It is the ability to say to another person, “...No matter how angry I am with you, no matter how much you may hurt me in the future, no matter what I may discover about you that I find I do not like, I will stand by you and work it out with you.” Without this sort of commitment partners become disposable… and no one wants to be or feel as if they are disposable. A commitment demonstrates to your partner that you consider them indispensable no matter what the circumstances may be.
I found this statement to be very poignant:
"I believe that marriage requires a fortitude and persistence that many are coming to lack because we live in a society of instant gratification. We want things to be easier, more convenient and easily fixed if something feels uncomfortable. The trouble is there is no quick fix for human relationships, and when we can not quickly and conveniently get things back to our comfort zone within relationships with others, we give up and move on to the next. This is exactly the sort of dispensability that marriage vows are designed to dispense with. This is why they are so incredibly important. There is no one on this world that wants to be disposable. Everyone has a desire to know they are worth the effort and aggravation they can and will cause to the people they care about. Marriage vows are a way of assuring your partner that they are worth the effort and aggravation, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, ‘til death do you part. " (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/62259/the_importance_of_marriage_vows.html)
Are there times when a vow's can be broken, sure. I think abusive relationships, whether it is physical or chemical are prime, as is adultery. Outside of that, the only other reasons that people should give up on their vows is hatred, i.e. you just hate the other person, or you got drunk in Vegas with Ned Flanders and you both married two gold-digging women or Brittney Spears.
To this day, even with all that has occurred, I still hold my vows sacred, as I meant what I said. It is not fun having to live with this promise and not being able to share it with the one you made it to. I have moved on with parts of my life, but there are certain things that I will not do because of the vows that I have taken. People may disagree with me, but am I really wrong? I don't believe I am.
Opinions? Comments? Let me hear them.
Last night I got a response from one of the people that I sent a goodbye e-mail to (reference blog entry Saying Goodbye). It was a very sweet, kind hearted e-mail, filled with love. I wish I did not have to say goodbye, but I am respecting a request.
Did anyone read this story in the Detroit News today http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070221/METRO/702210384 ?
The statement that got me all steamed up was "...I just think of marriage vows like speed limits. Sometimes you have to break them, and sometimes you get caught. You just need to keep an eye on the road to avoid detection."
Here is where I get on my soap box:
What the hell is wrong with f'in people today. Vows are sacred, and I am not speaking from a religious point of view either. Marriage vows are not something to be taken lightly, and are definitely not done just for ceremonial purposes. A vow is simply a binding promise one unilaterally makes without condition. Too many people view their vows today as "I'll keep my vow as long as you keep yours, or until the time when I no longer feel that I am getting out of this marriage what is due me." Marriage is not a business deal, and what is due a person in a marriage is unconditional love. A true vow makes a commitment that does not look for release based on what the other person has or has not done. It is the ability to say to another person, “...No matter how angry I am with you, no matter how much you may hurt me in the future, no matter what I may discover about you that I find I do not like, I will stand by you and work it out with you.” Without this sort of commitment partners become disposable… and no one wants to be or feel as if they are disposable. A commitment demonstrates to your partner that you consider them indispensable no matter what the circumstances may be.
I found this statement to be very poignant:
"I believe that marriage requires a fortitude and persistence that many are coming to lack because we live in a society of instant gratification. We want things to be easier, more convenient and easily fixed if something feels uncomfortable. The trouble is there is no quick fix for human relationships, and when we can not quickly and conveniently get things back to our comfort zone within relationships with others, we give up and move on to the next. This is exactly the sort of dispensability that marriage vows are designed to dispense with. This is why they are so incredibly important. There is no one on this world that wants to be disposable. Everyone has a desire to know they are worth the effort and aggravation they can and will cause to the people they care about. Marriage vows are a way of assuring your partner that they are worth the effort and aggravation, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, ‘til death do you part. " (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/62259/the_importance_of_marriage_vows.html)
Are there times when a vow's can be broken, sure. I think abusive relationships, whether it is physical or chemical are prime, as is adultery. Outside of that, the only other reasons that people should give up on their vows is hatred, i.e. you just hate the other person, or you got drunk in Vegas with Ned Flanders and you both married two gold-digging women or Brittney Spears.
To this day, even with all that has occurred, I still hold my vows sacred, as I meant what I said. It is not fun having to live with this promise and not being able to share it with the one you made it to. I have moved on with parts of my life, but there are certain things that I will not do because of the vows that I have taken. People may disagree with me, but am I really wrong? I don't believe I am.
Opinions? Comments? Let me hear them.
posted by Brian at 9:43 AM
2 Comments:
You're completely right as far as I'm concerned. I believe that marriage is a commitment for life. It used to mean something.
Speed limits are "arbitrary" rules, but marriage vows are not of that kind; they are more like the law of gravity; break the speed limit & someone books and fines you; ignore the law of gravity and you experience a somewhat deeper and direct and self-inflicted consequence. Ignore the marriage vow, and suffer the emotional and spiritual damage which follows that choice.
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